May 16, 2021: How To Pray For Your Friends
John 17:6-19
Rev. Rhonda Blevins
“I have made your name known to those whom you gave me from the world. They were yours, and you gave them to me, and they have kept your word. Now they know that everything you have given me is from you; for the words that you gave to me I have given to them, and they have received them and know in truth that I came from you; and they have believed that you sent me. I am asking on their behalf; I am not asking on behalf of the world, but on behalf of those whom you gave me, because they are yours. All mine are yours, and yours are mine; and I have been glorified in them. And now I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them in your name that you have given me, so that they may be one, as we are one. While I was with them, I protected them in your name that m11 you have given me. I guarded them, and not one of them was lost except the one destined to be lost, so that the scripture might be fulfilled. But now I am coming to you, and I speak these things in the world so that they may have my joy made complete in themselves. I have given them your word, and the world has hated them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world. I am not asking you to take them out of the world, but I ask you to protect them from the evil one. They do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world. Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth. As you have sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world. And for their sakes I sanctify myself, so that they also may be sanctified in truth.
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One of the great joys of being a pastor is coming alongside parishioners as you walk the road of life. And inevitably, the road brings with it joys and challenges of all kinds. Oftentimes, the challenge of living brings us face-to-face with the suffering of people we love—suffering we can often do little to assuage.
And that’s when I sometimes hear from you. Just this week in the life of this pastor, I’ve been asked to pray for these situations:
“Pastor, will you pray for my friend whose cancer has returned?” Yes, of course!
“Pastor, will you pray for my friend’s elderly mother?” Yes, of course!
“Pastor, will you pray for conflict in my family?” Yes, of course!
“Pastor, will you pray for my son who is ill?” Yes, of course!
“Pastor, will you pray for my niece going in for a biopsy?” Yes, of course!
And this one from a stranger, “Pastor, please pray for us all?” Yes, of course!
First, thank you for letting me into your lives. What an honor and privilege it is to know you and the deepest cares of your hearts. Perhaps this sounds strange but thank you for asking me to pray. I take your requests seriously because I know you take your prayer requests seriously.
Second, it seems fitting that we talk about prayer, particularly intercessory prayer (the kind of prayers we pray for other people). The Gospel of Luke recounts a story about Jesus praying one day, after which one of his disciples approached him saying, “Lord, teach us how to pray.” Jesus offered part of what we now call the “Lord’s prayer” as a response to the request for instruction on prayer.
And in today’s scripture text, we find Jesus, on the last night of his life, praying for his friends. On this final night of his life, Jesus has been in the upper room with his disciples sharing the Passover meal together. He has tenderly washed their feet, one by one. And now the meal has concluded, and Jesus, in the book of John, has much to say before they leave to go to the Garden of Gethsemane. He concludes their time in the upper room with a prayer—scholars call this prayer Jesus’ “high priestly prayer”—I think of it as a “prayer of letting go.” Appearing to know that his execution is imminent, Jesus is letting go of these relationships that he cherishes. Yes, he will encounter his friends after the resurrection, but things will be different then. So in this final prayer for his friends, he is releasing them into God’s hands. Letting go.
Letting go doesn’t come easily for most of us. The stronger our affection, it seems like the harder it is to let go. Sometimes we hold on even when it no longer makes sense to do so.
The other day, I had just pulled into the church parking lot. I put the car in park, turned off the engine, then went about all the things you sometimes do before getting out of the car. I heard a text come through on my cell phone as I was driving, so I checked my text messages and sent replies. I put on my lipstick (I guess I have to start buying lipstick again now that the CDC told me I can be mask-free!). I took off my sunglasses and put them in their compartment. I gathered up my bag and my lunchbox . . . and throughout all that activity . . . all the things before exiting the car . . . my foot had been on the brake the entire time. How ridiculous! The car was in park! The engine was off! And yet, my foot remained on the brake well past the time it needed to be. When I realized what I had been doing, I thought to myself, “Just let go, stupid!”
Letting go isn’t always natural, and when it comes to relationships with people we love, is never easy.
And so this “prayer of letting go” that Jesus prays is quite a long prayer—what we have in today’s lection is the middle part of the prayer—the part where Jesus prays for his disciples, recognizing that this is the last time he will be with them in this way.
What is Jesus’ final prayer for his friends?
Unity. He prayed for their relational lives. “protect them so that they may be one, as we are one”
Joy. He prayed for their emotional lives. “that they may have my joy made complete”
Truth. He prayed for their intellectual lives. “Sanctify them in the truth”
We often pray for physical health for our friends—Jesus models intercessory prayer that encompasses the whole person—total wellbeing. We should take our cue from Jesus!
But intercessory prayer is one part knowing what to pray for, and one part knowing how to pray.
Here Jesus models prayer using words, and I’m guessing that’s how most of us were first taught to pray. “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, and if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” Remember learning that prayer? Or how about this one: “God is great, God is good, let us thank him for our food.” We are taught to pray using words. This is certainly appropriate—it’s what Jesus models for us both in today’s text and in the prayer following a disciple’s request for Jesus to teach them how to pray.
But I confess to you that prayer using words has never been my forte. Certainly, my public prayers are crafted with words, but I rarely use words in my private prayers—or if I use words, I will employ only one word or one phrase. This is called mantra prayer or sometimes breath prayer. Here’s an example:
Think of someone going through a rough time—it could be related to physical health or job loss or divorce . . . but think of someone who needs a measure of peace today. One way to pray for that person would be to simply visualize that person and recite either silently or out loud the word “peace” each time you breathe out. You might even choose to visualize the dove of peace alighting on your friend. This type of prayer uses visualization with minimal words.
But the primary way I have learned to pray for others is from the Quaker tradition. There’s a phrase the Quakers use—if you ask a Quaker to pray for you, your Quaker friend might reply, “I will hold you in the light.”
Light, in many Christian traditions (including our own) represents the mysterious presence of God. It’s why we light candles on the altar each Sunday. It’s why we light the Christ candle on Christmas eve. It’s a symbol of God’s presence in our midst.
So when we “hold someone in the light,” we are praying that God’s presence will wrap our friend or loved one up in a blanket of God’s warmth and love and healing power. We can hold individuals or groups or projects or even social situations—we can hold them in the light. We don’t presume to know what’s best or right—but we trust that God is holding our friend or loved one close—granting whatever our friend needs in that moment.
Quaker pastor and author, Philip Gulley, tells “a story of two prisoners of war who were imprisoned in a dark cell, illuminated only by a small six-inch square window about eight feet off the ground. Each day, they would take turns lifting one another up to the window, so each could feel the light upon his face, and see the sun and the outdoors and that way keep from going mad.” Gulley suggests that saying to someone, “’I will hold you in the Light,’ is the verbal equivalent of lifting them up to God, lifting them up to light and goodness, so they can have hope and peace.”[1]
And so this week, I have been holding some people, some situations in the light:
a friend whose cancer has returned
a friend’s elderly mother
a family conflict
a son who is ill
a niece going in for a biopsy
(and even) for us all
Difficult to find words for all those prayers. Easier (at least for me) to hold them in the light.
Today you should have received a tea light candle as you came into worship today—or if you’re worshipping at home perhaps you found a candle to light. A candle flame isn’t magical, but it merely reminds us of the presence of God. During our moment for reflection, I invite you to light your candle as you pray for a person or even a project or situation—someone or something that’s on your heart. You don’t have to find words as you pray—simply hold them in the light. I invite you to take the candle home with you and use it as a way to remember to pray for your friends—holding them in the light.
And one final request? Will you hold me in the light? And I will hold you in the light.
Amen.
[1] Philip Gulley, https://philipgulley.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Quaker-Sayings-9-SECURE.pdf